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Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
There's a certain irony in this post, especially when you more or less say: 'I know I have power because my therapist told me I did.'
If you have power, nobody needs to tell you that you have it. It's obvious. And also, if you have power, there does not need to be a complex set of structures to protect you from the therapist in the form of social and sexual boundaries.
Honestly, I think anyone who doesn't acknowledge that the therapist has the power is in a form of denial. Maybe it's too uncomfortable to admit that someone who puts hard lines around how and when you can contact them is definitely the one in charge. Therapists play power games constantly in a myriad of forms - even the good ones.
I just think most people either overlook it, don't particularly care, or don't want to deal with the cognitive dissonance the therapy relationship creates.
People who are sensitive to power dynamics are going to be incapable of ignoring it though. I actually think people who are aware of the power dynamic in therapy are more able to protect themselves than people who pretend it isn't there. A lot of people get blindsided when the power imbalance suddenly hits home unexpectedly.
Your therapist decides when you meet, how long you meet for, whether you can email them outside therapy, whether they will suddenly go away for a few days or three months - the client has essentially no control in a therapy relationship apart from maybe what to talk about in session.
And I think that's where you're confusing your ability to pick the topic you talk about with who actually wields the power - because they're not the same thing. You can pick the topic sure, but it will a) cost you and b) end when the therapist dictates it should end (the end of the session.)
Pretending that makes you in control is just... inaccurate.
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I guess it's to be expected when you're on a site for people with mental disorders (myself included) who are more knowledegable than the rest of the population about such things, that SOMEONE has to chime in and diagnose or make some observation about someone else that they don't know.
I've got less than 200 posts on here so even if you read everything I've ever said you don't know me enough to tell me that I don't know anything about power dynamics or that I'm in denial. You don't know my issues or my therapist. That's the irony of YOUR statement. Diagnosing ME. My statement was in regards to the overall results of the poll. I'm speaking FOR MYSELF when I state my belief that people seek out therapy when they are at their worst.
I didn't NEED to be told that I have the power. I said that only as an indicator that my therapist acknowledges MY power.
We also meet when
I say we meet. Maybe you run around your therapist's schedule, but I'm not using my sick time to show up mid day because he has an opening. We have evenings - on MY time.
He decides when the session ends? Well the expectation is an hour. We've gone over that and he's allowed that. At that point, he's into overtime that I'm not paying for so overtime is at his discretion. But it's not like he's stopping me from walking out the door. So I don't know what universe YOU live in that you can't see the power that you have but you can just stay there. ANY relationship, power goes back and forth (except in the instance of children). If you're married, each person has power regarding different things. If he brings home the money, that's all good. If he wants to be an a-hole, he can cook his own meals, do his own laundry etc.
I also want to thank Atisketatasket and walkthatroad for backing me up in my absence.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SkyscraperMeow
Ugh. If my comments as to how I perceive the relationship 'take someone's power away', then they didn't have it in the first place. I don't write posts here to create reality. If my posts had that power, I'd be wasting my time here.
I speak my truth as I see it. You're free to speak yours. And people are free to believe as they wish.
Also, the poster I replied to had quite a lot to say about how people who perceive the therapy relationship to be imbalanced must feel and be and think. Funny how when I say precisely the same but opposite thing it's a problem.
Your reality should remain intact regardless of whether I say people who believe themselves to be in an egalitarian relationship while paying someone to play by their rules are lying to themselves or whether I say that paying someone and following all their rules is the ultimate expression of equality.
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The difference between what you did and what I did, was that I made an observation about the poll, and you decided to chime in your opinion on ME.
I can tell you that you haven't taken my power away, but I know that that particular comment was not directed at me. Just thought I'd make that clear.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BudFox
Seems to me the way to know who has the power in therapy is to ask the question--who will suffer if it ends tomorrow? If there is emotional investment on the part of the client (as SM mentioned), then how could it not be the client who will suffer exponentially more?
I don't follow this at all. Please help me understand. How can you be 100% invested in anything and not suffer significantly as a result of its loss?
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I like my therapist. I've only been seeing him for 3 months and I'd like to consider myself invested. If it were to end, I'd be sad because he's the first therapist I feel I've really connected with. Replacing him would be difficult, but not impossible. But there's loss on his end too.
There's money. What power does he have if all of his clients quit and don't show up? He replaces me? Sure, but there's the chance that he'll fill that one hour spot with someone he doesn't find nearly as interesting as me. Someone who doesn't want to do the work, comes in week after week griping about the same old thing leaving him to wonder how far might we have gone together. Thinking back on the progress we were able to make TOGETHER. Granted, I'm the one truly benefiting from it but even that is not likely entirely true. My therapist is fairly new. My unique set of issues and how they manifest themselves when put together - I might be a very interesting case study. I'm not saying I'm all that and a bag of chips, but to say that I would be the ONLY one to "suffer" is not a statement that can be absolutely stated as true.