whenever I've spoken my "truth" to people that have hurt me in some way, I always ended up feeling "crazy" and ashamed, so i pretend to not see how I'm being used or abused or just plain old disappointed. I have a birthday coming next week, and just today I decided that I no longer will deny my truth. I called both my brothers and my nephew and let them know how hurt I was that they weren't there for me in such a simple way last week when I needed them. I'm too embarrassed to even say what a simple thing I asked of them, let's say it wouldn't have taken much to help me. I also wrote someone and shared my disappointment with the way that they treated me recently. In the past I wanted others to feel bad about the way that they treated me and apologize. A small part of me wants that, but now more importantly I've decided to stop pretending that I'm not hurt when I am. To be deserted by love ones hurts, but what is worst than that is deserting myself. I feel sad that I'm probally losing what little connection I did have with my family, but maybe I can stop trying to buy love and use that energy in loving myself. I deserve to be treated with respect. Maybe it's as easy as deciding to treat myself with respect. I have some issues, but that doesn't make me any less valuable. I've spent hours and hours trying to fiqure out why certain people have mistreated me. The biggest birthday gift that I can give myself next week is to stop, just stop. And to start loving myself from the inside out.