I think part of the answer tends to depend on how you define 'rape' (but of course I guess I would say that). If rape is unwanted penetration then I don't really see that it has to be about control (though yeah, I've surely heard the theory that violent rape tends to be about control). For example, unwanted sexual contact can occur in a state of drunken stupor. That isn't to excuse it or anything like that but it is to say that non-consenting sex doesn't have to be about control. It could be about release / desire when the female simply isn't in the position to consent.

It is unclear to me whether women tend to sexually offend less than males (which is why there are less women than males in prison for sexual offences) or whether... The MO tends to be different. For example, it might be that women don't tend to use physical force (since they tend to be in less of a position to do so) rather they use emotional coersion. It might be that people are less willing to report emotionally coersive sexual contact than physically coersive sexual contact. It might also be that people are less willing to report unwanted sexual contact from a female because of the social stigma involved.

Male on male sexual abuse tends to be reported less than male on female sexual abuse. Why? Part of it is stigma. Part of it is confusion about having a sexual response even though the sexual contact was unwanted. Some people find it hard to reconcile the fact that they had an erection with the fact that they didn't want the sexual contact.

Female on male sexual abuse tends to be reported even less. And female on female sexual abuse even less (especially when there is an absence of physical force). Dunno if that reflects prevalence or confusion about the definition of sexual abuse and / or confusion about the lack of physical coercion...

Perhaps...