I'm so sad I didn't have the kind of dad I needed and deserved. Harsh though it may sound, my dad was not good enough! I'm sad he wasn't safe, wasn't my rock. I'm sad he didn't protect me from mum when she screamed at me and acted threateningly. I'm sad and angry my dad didn't care. I'm sad he preferred my brother.. I'm just sad I was SO alone with him!!!

And I apologise to him that I didn't see him for who he was.. He was only human, too. He went through a lot as a child himself. He never knew his father. I'm sorry, dad, that I didn't see you the way you were.. And I'm sorry you were never good enough for me. And probably never will be. I don't want people near me who don't want me. Sorry. But I'm not going to sell myself out anymore!

I want to look forward now! I want to leave all this behind, let go.. I want to let Joy into my life. And Peace