Oh dear, I want to so much. Tonight I can't stop the tears anymore. Its feels like I am dying inside. It hurts so much, I want to disappear.

I want to beg for a life. Make this hideous disease no longer exsist for anyone.

Sometimes I think of who I am. I think I am not so bad. But my mind just keeps pounding it in my head what my dad, family, and my ex kept telling me for years. Its like a record that plays over and over. You try to fight it away, and can at times. But then it starts....... make it go away, I can't take this pain inside anymore.

((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))) thanks for this continued support, I honestly don't know why you guys have not given up out of frustration. I can't imagine how maddening it is to read my crud, this destruction. Please remember, I don't really want this. Maybe I feel like it at times, but I hate this.

So many tears tonight.

Justy