People, when I open up to them, push so hard for me to get a job or go to school or get a therapist so that I can magically fall into some kind of maybe positive routine and get better but I have what is supposed to be "the answer" in my hands and it's not working. Like when I did those things was I any better? Have you just run out of things to say to me. I feel people are stressed out with me; I know. I feel guilty.

It feels like my brain is rotting.

I laugh at other people for what they say to me sometimes. I'm disrespectful and acting self-indulgent and entitled and waiting for a person to save me or for a better mood. I feel disrespected and I'm letting resentment build because I'm stuck in my situation and can't crawl out and I hate that. It feels gross and mean and like sickness and I want it to disappear.