The worst for me was black mania. It's a horrible state where you have the manic crazy no sleep no eat and are depressed at the same time. I stay up a week. Then start losing track with any sort of reality. I remember talking to the cat and telling her for sure I was going to cut all my hair off. I stopped taking my meds. Didn't think I could hold my pee. In hospital wore a diaper. No one changed it until my husband did it when he came to visit.I still wouldn't eat. They had an iv in my arm giving me some liquid nourishment. They were trying to stabilize me here in Costa Rica so I could go on the plane ride home. By then I was so doped up I didn't remember the trip home. Then I went into a CA hospital. Then they started weekly ECT (brain Fry). It lasted about 6 months. I was admitted to hospital every other month. With the drugs and ECT I don't remember anything. I know this year will be better. It's still a drag to have bipolar.
Maxy