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Originally Posted by ruh roh
Did she say the word pretending? Or is that how it came across to you? Because what I think might be happening is that she's saying in an inartful way that she doesn't believe you really want to cut your son out of your life, or any of the things you've shared on pc in recent weeks, but that she thinks your pain is driving you to see these drastic measures as the only option. If that's what she's trying to communicate, she's probably using triggering words or language with you that make you feel disbelieved or discounted.
When a person gets triggered, they stop hearing what's being said in the moment and get thrown back into the past--which, from what you've shared, is judgmental and abusive towards anything you say or do.
The difficulty is in having the pain of the past acknowledged—because it's causing you to push your son away—and not having it mixed up with the present, which I'm guessing you want to have a better outcome? If you don't want the present to have a better outcome, then that's where your therapist also needs to hear you. I really don't think she's dismissing you or your reality, but you're right in saying that it would help if you could share more of your internal life with her.
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hi ruh roh yes she did use the word pretend . she said that i am pretending to not want to be a mom to my son and that he is the world to me and that she just doesnt believe me. yes my son does mean the world to me .and that is what she is basing her perception and comments on . what i have not shared with her in depth is how i am so stressed to the point of being sick and panicked over just about everything he does and shares with me. it is beyond tolerable for me and it is almost continuous . and also how ashamed i am that he has me as a mother and my F ed up family .i did talk a little about that and she argued with me about it . but this is how i feel. anyway this is what i mean about not being able to tell her what is going on and her responding to what i say to her . i absolutely believe when i get upset i close down and only hear things in a negative light .