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Originally Posted by Gavinandnikki
I don't think Rainbow is expecting to be at the top of her therapist's priorities right after a vacation,
Her therapist told her she would email her. - it hasn't happened, I think it's completely reasonable to feel unsettled and let down. I'd feel the same.
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Thanks for understanding, Gavinandnikki.
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Originally Posted by Aloan
That is kind of what sucks about therapists. If a friend or family member said they would call, text or Email "later," and they don't, it's not a big deal. But when therapists say something, and hey, I've been guilty of feeling this way too, "the Gods have spoken," and it better happen.
Here's hoping you received your Email this morning, if you don't though, I don't think your therapist requires a good explanation for you as to why, although I think I might possibly remind the therapist during my next session that words, statements, "promises" (whether intended to be or not) can be taken very seriously in therapy, and that she might not make statements such as this that she might forget to follow through on. It can cause a great deal of hurt that frankly, doesn't need to happen if the therapist would be more careful with their words.
Some of us depend on our therapists (me included) more than we should.
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Thank you!
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Originally Posted by Aloan
Thank you for taking my post the way it was intended. After I wrote it, I was afraid you would think I was being critical. Not at all. I completely understand! I think if we were able to realize that sometimes words are just words, we wouldn't be in therapy! I do think you shouldn't expect a good excuse, because really, if our therapists wanted to be such a way, we really should only expect their time during sessions. It's nice you have a therapist who somewhat "includes you" by saying she would Email when she gets back, so you don't worry. (Thank you for including the not worrying part, now I really get why this meant a lot to you!)
Are you angry with her about this, or were you already angry with her beforehand?
Please bring this up tomorrow! It's so important your therapist does not throw out empty promises if she's not going to keep them. It sounds like overall, you have a very good relationship with your therapist. It would be so helpful for you to discuss this with her tomorrow and remind her that checking in isn't because your nosy, it's because you worry. What she told you could have been a figure of speech for many, but she needs to know you take it seriously and she need not say things like that if she's not going to follow through. Good luck!
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You asked if I was angry beforehand. You probably didn't read my thread about being triggered because of my T's vacation. I'm more sad than angry, I think. Disappointed. I'm not sure what the feelings are about not wanting her to have sex with her boyfriend. I will discuss that tomorrow because it's about me, not her, and it's upsetting to me.
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Originally Posted by AllHeart
I'm sorry your t has disappointed you. You have every right to feel the way you do. I had a similar situation happen with my t and it hurt like h*ll. I feel for you.
Aloan put it best saying when our t's tell us they will do something, it's like "the God's have spoken." When they don't follow through, it is devastating. To be clear, I know this is not the case for everyone, or even the majority.
Hope you can let your t know how her actions impacted you when you see her tomorrow. Let us know how it goes if you do. Sending you hugs for relief (if you want 'em)!  |
Yes, I want the hugs! Thanks. I am holding it inside, not emailing her, which is a first for me!! Any other time in the past if I had strong feelings about something, I would not be able to wait for the session. I will tell it all to her in person, which scares me.
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Originally Posted by Petra5ed
Maybe this isn't the same situation, but I have been very touchy, and always am around the holidays. It seems like a time when we should be receiving displays of love, and usually it is a glaring reminder to me that no one really gives a crap about me.
I had a similar thing years ago. My therapist went on a two week vacation and it was rough for me, really rough. I asked before hand if he could send me one picture of where he was at. For the whole 2 weeks I tried not to contact him, and succeeded despite being suicidally depressed. I didn't want to "ruin" his vacation by contacting him during it, but no photo. It was so embarrassing for me to even have to ask for such a thing, and he couldn't even text one pic of a flower or something. Finally the day he got back or so I thought, he texted me a pic of the beach. Just like my life. I'd already been to Hell and back.
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I'm sorry, Petra. That sounds like an awful experience! Did you ever tell him how you felt?
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Originally Posted by unaluna
I hate when people tell me to call them when i get home. For one thing, maybe im not going straight home. Maybe im stopping at my office, or the grocery store, or something interesting. Plus i usually forget. Im not telling you how to feel. Im just telling you how i feel - and i dont see where your worrying would fit in. Im fine! It feels controlling. Do you report to someone? (Did you and your h do this?) If you are going to worry every time i leave the house, i would tell you to go see a therapist...uh oh...
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Yes, my H and I did report in if we went somewhere far? My Mom would always have us "ring the phone once" when we got home (so we wouldn't have to pay for the call) so she wouldn't worry! And this was when we were married) I get my worry gene from my mother.
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Originally Posted by granite1
this is why i never ask anything of my T . then i dont get angry when she forgets and just is living her life
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Maybe that's a good idea. After all, T IS just living her life, and I have no business wanting so much from her. Except I didn't ask this time. She offered!
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Originally Posted by divine1966
Its hard to email others when you just got home from vacation. Sometimes you arrive and something or somebody needs your immediate attention plus you might be jet lagged, feeling unwell and what if you have 5 other people to email that you arrived who are a priority like mother or sibling or kids or partner etc I understand how you feel, just trying to be realistic.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Like I said, she had all Sunday to recuperate, but maybe she got home late Saturday night, and maybe she had things come up. I know, but it still hurts me.
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Originally Posted by Merecat
I'm sorry you feel disappointed in her response. She did email you when she got back - not as quickly as you would have liked and not the way you would have liked, but she did email. It might be worth talking through with her how you feel and what your expectation was, eg that she would email you immediately she arrived and that it would be a personal email rather than a generic one. She can then understand what you're looking for and either agree to that or explain why she can't do what you want.
In my head there are a dozen different reasons as to why she didn't email immediately etc and, for me, it would feel unreasonable to ask or expect my T to contact me immediately when she returned from a holiday, but that's me. The only way through this one is for you to talk to her and, if you need something really specific be very clear about what you mean, while knowing a generic email one day later may be the best she can give.
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I'm going to talk about it with her tomorrow. I didn't ask her to email me. She offered to let me know when she got back.
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Originally Posted by Breadfish
I think the "be realistic" posts are a bit harsh. T could have made a so-designated realistic promise, but she didn't. That gives her an obligation to rainbow.
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Thank you, Breadfish.
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Originally Posted by stopdog
I think the therapist here screwed up by saying she would do something but failed to do it. The problem is that the therapist promised something and did not follow through. That it might have been unrealistic or not something others would want to do or want to have is a bit beside the point - I would not care about the therapist letting me know if they were back in town and I don't worry about the therapist's well being, but I very much care that the woman do what she says she is going to do. For me, it would be the carelessness of such a thing if she could not do it. And I do expect a therapist to recognize that they should not make careless agreements.
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Thank you for understanding, sd. I do feel that my T simply forgot, but she KNOWS how I feel about her going away, especially since we talked about what happens if she dies. How could she forget? Unless her schedule got changed and she got home Sunday, not Saturday.
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Originally Posted by atisketatasket
She didn't do what she volunteered to do = she should feel bad about it
She feels bad about it =/= you feeling guilty
One reason decent people feel bad when they fail to do something they should have is so they'll learn from the experience. She has something to learn. You don't (except maybe not to trust her when she says she'll do something, in which case the onus of correction is still on her). The guilt is unwarranted (unless you're going to spend the next six months reproaching her for it, which I don't think you are).
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Thanks. I will find out tomorrow. I want to trust her because she's such a caring person. I can't believe she forgot, but she has forgotten information sometimes, and apologizes when she does.