You keep referring to how "society" has brainwashed you into wanting something really superb in a marriage . . . like you've had your ability to think realistically for yourself stolen from you by all these social influences. Tens of thousands of young women have been subject to the very same influences. Lots of them make decisions that they end up glad they made. Since you've already had a failed marriage, you are well aware that reality is not the same as a Lifetime chick flick. I don't accept that you can't think straight due to social influences.

It took a while for you to get to it, but you have a huge dilemma. You are engaged to a man who has serious medical problems that may lead to him being severely disabled at a young age. I'ld have to be passionately in love to enter into a marriage that might put that cross on my shoulders. (For 3 years, I've been caretakimg my s.o. who happens to have become seriously disabled. It ain't easy, and at times I feel cheated. But I've loved him for many years.) Your therapist is wrong to say you are making yourself impossible to satisfy. Having misgivings about entering into marriage with a man whose health is seriously impaired is not setting the bar too high. Feeling that way does not make you a heel. I think your stated concern about all this stuff related to what society conditions us to expect is a "red herring." I think you feel guilty for not embracing a commitment that you fear will be too much of a burden. It's not an ideal marriage that you are seeking. You are holding yourself up to some ideal of being a heroic person who would not hesitate to marry a disabled man.

I say, "Hesitate, and then hesitate some more." Give it another year. You do not owe this man the rest of your life just because you've been involved with him. It is not selfish to step back from a marriage that you feel you don't really want. This has nothing to do with society teaching you this, that or the other thing. It's okay to decide that you don't really love this man enough to commit to being his caretaker at an early age.