i know, jaq. no one can just "snap out of it," although it would be lovely to do that. i can understand how it stays with you despite the meds and therapy. i know because i have it, too. mine sticks no matter what. no matter how much i fixed my own head over the years, it sticks. i hope you feel better. wishing you well. i don't mind hugging you. it's to let you know that i know the pain that you have. we at psych central understand that pain. when no one else understands, you have us here to understand. i know nothing seems to help you, but getting through this together makes it better than going it alone. in here, you're not alone. lol - sounds like i'm advocating internet addiction. no, not really. for some, it's the best place to go. for me, it works becaue i'm deaf and cannot understand people in group therapy settings, anyway. funny how things work out.