Hi Everyone,
Some quick info on me-I was diagnosed with BPD 2 years and have been doing DBT. I started a slow taper off anti-depressants in May and have been completely off them for about a month (still getting withdrawal symptoms though! ). I am currently 15 weeks pregnant with my first child. When I found out I was pregnant I stopped taking my ADHD medication. So, I basically have a completely new brain...hormones and all.

I have found it's been difficult. I am so happy to be pregnant, but I have suffered from very bad morning sickness and fatigue. So, with the sickness, fatigue, withdrawal and hormones...let's just say I have been a little "touchy" at times.

I have been going back over my DBT skills, and have been practicing mediation and mindfulness and going through the DBT Skills Workbook. I just find I am really struggling with anger outbursts. Like I go full-on break stuff-curse like a sailor, crazy...and it sometimes happens at work (in my office where hopefully nobody can hear me). This morning I had someone book me a client earlier than I like and it was for something I hate to have to deal with with (I am an Employment Counsellor and some cases are harder than others-I was anticipating this to be a very hard one). I could not get over what a "waste of time" it was going to be and I totally lost it. I was swearing, threw a few pens etc (again nobody saw it). I was sure the client would be a jerk and I wouldn't be able to help him-but he was great and I was totally able to help him (this happens over and over and over again with me and now I feel like an idiot. I heard my wise mind saying "you have nothing to base your assumption that this will be a bad appointment on, and you know you always anticipate the worse and most of the time it's fine" but I just couldn't seem to calm myself down. It was like anger was a speedometer and I went from 0 to 100 in a few seconds and I just couldn't take my foot off the gas. I went into the washroom and swore and *****ed and moaned about it to myself to try to get the anger out, but it just stayed. I tried breathing etc...but nothing worked.

I am finding I get so angry like this. As I mentioned before I am going through the DBT skills book again. I know it talks about ways to sooth etc...but I don't know...when I get like this the anger just takes over. I feel like right now I just have to go back over so many things.

Does anyone else experience this and if so, have you found strategies to help? Do you think increases my mindfulness, mediating and all that will help me not to flip out like this?

It scares me because this is how I always knew my "depression" was getting worse...I would have these outbursts. My psychiatrist believes I do not need medication, that DBT is what will help this. Perhaps I just need to be more disciplined now that I am unmediated and hormonal.
Thanks for your help