I get it, I think, from the way my dad was. And maybe I'm kind of like that, too. Actually, it may be an overabundance of too much emotional empathy in a way.

It's like, I felt rejected from my mom and anger/hate resulted from that and I (my nervous system) turned the hate back on myself.

On the other hand, it's like my dad felt rejected, so but he/his nervous system turn off the hate, kept the love and focused it only on himself.

Does that make any sense to you?