Quote:
Originally Posted by Willowleaf
Hi, I don't normally post and I'm not sure what I want from you all, but my t said something tonight that really affected me. I had reacted badly to something and was trying to explain. She was great and completely accepting, but then at some point something was said and she said when are you going to wake up and believe me that the level of abuse you experienced was extreme. That it actually can't get much worse, but that still I deny it. She has been trying to get me to realise this for some time but tonight was the first time she put it that strongly. She then backed it up with examples from my life that I don't want to share, but instead of feeling validated I just feel a fraud. I just think part of me wanted her to think this so maybe I will seem a bit special? I don't know I'm feeling very confused. I haven't made anything up I just find it hard to accept that it was this damaging and that actually it really wasn't that bad and I dealt with it fine. Can anyone identify? I feel all over the place and think she must be lying, but then why does she say it. She is a very experienced therapist who I have worked with for years and in whom I have complete trust. I just feel a complete fraud and a mess.
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Yes, I understand your feelings. I, too, struggle with abuse and trauma issues and feel that because I got through the experiences, they couldn't have been *that* bad, could they? The only way I can explain how I deal with what you're feeling now is that your mind has not yet accepted the severity of your abuse. Because I'm not a T, but have worked in the clinical psychology arena, I can't say for sure, but I think your T will continue to work toward getting you to accept the level of abuse you experienced so that you can truly heal. I'm sorry you're distressed now, but you shouldn't feel you are a fraud...your mind is trying to wrap itself around what your T keeps reinforcing and that's extremely upsetting.
Try to breathe and recognize that your T is on your side and is present for you; she wouldn't tell you something that's not true.