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Originally Posted by eskielover
Lol....after a 33 year bad marriage....I justified the red flags I saw rather than really seriously dealing with them....just make sure if you have issues to resolve them BEFORE the wedding as they continue to haunt otherwise.
Back in those days Asperger's wasn't even known about so I had no idea what I was getting involved with, just knew something wasn't right but got talked out of listening to my gut feeling then I talked myself out of what I realized.
Realized love doesn't grow where there is no respect.
Being willing & able to do whatever is necessary for a marriage to be successful....it's not his or her job....it's equal working together.
Financial issues & debt are the #1 destroyer of a marriage other than infidelity....if you work together toward goals rather than trying to buy things on credit because you (either H or W) have to have them NOW, there will be less problems to deal with.
Also NEVER hide anything from each other & don't do anything you would feel the need to hide. Open & honest communication is critical for a successful marriage.....along with being emotionally connected not just by sex...important to have an intimate connection on all levels.
All things I couldn't put a name to but were just a feeling they were missing because I grew up with parents who were the same as my H & I kept promising myself I didn't want a marriage like theirs...I just didn't know what it was about their marriage I saw was the problem. Not until I got away from it all & around normal relationships to observe was I able to put the words to what I had been experiencing.
There is NOTHING wrong with disagreeing or having different opinions...it's how it's handled that is critical to the success or failure of a marriage....so much for the words of wisdom from someone who learned from my mistakes & not in a hurry to get remarried unless really the RIGHT, truly compatible person comes along if ever...I have never been happier though it would be nice to have someone to share life with
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Thank You for the information!!
Honestly , we have had our differences but i just go right back , i feel she looks at her opinion as the only one to matter but when i don't offer an opinion i don't care or i don't look at my responsibilities seriously, its not that its when i do say something its either stupid or she brushes it off. we have days where we are just fine when i say minimal and just agree with any and everything she says
but i look at my future and think , is that how i want to live, in a relationship where nothing i say matters or im told to just be quiet. i want to call her controlling so bad but i know that wont go well.
but its true , i cant eat things i did before we started dating because she doesn't like it , i cant have friends now because she doesnt trust them, i currently take the bus everywhere while she drives, and when i say i would like to get a car (because i make the most money ) she says no because its an extra bill and her car , the brand new one she just got, isnt paid off, like seriously i work hard and get paid good money why cant i have a car?
then with money, i do not have access to my own money , i have to ask her for money or wait until she gets it. if we go into a store and i want something i have to ask her if i can have it half the time its no! but she goes and gets anything she wants when she wants it . my entire check goes straight to her pockets . ive wanted to leave so many times but i have no clue why i cant just walk out the door, when i express how i feel , its always she does it because of me and how i act, she tells me im not allowed to catch an attitude but how can i not be upset being treated like a child all day everyday . like she does good some days then its like a light switch and she will flip completely out. for nothing or no reason. i cooked dinner 2 nights ago and she felt my piece of fish was bigger than hers and when i went to switch them she told me forget it and she didnt want to eat it and to get out her face.
i dont know what to do
