Quote:
Originally Posted by marmaduke
My mother was the same!! Just the same!!
Mother was controlling, an obsessive dieter and always underweight.
I was not allowed to open the larder and take food. There were strict meal times.
I and my sister often felt hungry.
Mother controlled everything. I was not allowed to speak, she told me 'Your voice grates on my nerves, l do not want to hear your silly twaddle' No music, singing, no visitors.
I was barely allow to move, not allowed to touch HER furniture HER food. A bath once a week when she would check I only had 3 inches of water. I was only allowed to wash my hair once a fortnight.
If I touched anything in her house I would make sure she wouldn't notice. Like, if l got a pen out of a drawer to use it, I would put that pen back in EXACTLY the same place and position.
I still put other people's things in exactly the same position as I found them, still fearful they will rage at me.
Oh wow. (((((((((Hugs to you))))))))
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I missed out the faked suicide bids where she would leave empty pill bottles in the sink and hide from me and my brother to make us think she had killed herself.
The physical attacks when I touched her jewellery box and she clawed my face.
The constant murmuring in our Fathers ear that we needed disciplining and the belt beatings that came from that.
The broken arm when she hit me with the wooden washing tongs that she felt she should not have to be using and I laughed at her aged 12.
She put me on the bus to the hospital and told me to tell A&E that I had fallen off my sledge. (They let it slide and plastered me and let me go back home on the bus)
The naked parading of her sexuality and Dads desire for her from the ages of 7-15
The intrusions into my body and toileting from age 3. She would sit me on the toilet before bed after a severe genital scrubbing with strong soap that made it burn to pee and then shriek at me if I didn't go on demand before bed.
She put me on the doorstep to sleep because I cried when she took my bears away (aged 4 earliest memory) Dad brought me in when he got home from nightshift at 11.00pm
She would force feed me liver or eggs until I puked and then threaten to make me eat my puke aged 5. Still forced into a high chair aged five.
She was a human female monster. I don't know how she got away with it, people believed her when she said I was the bane of her life and unmanageable and driving her to drink. She lived as a beautiful and eternal victim of motherhood.
She needed no driving, she was a bona fide narcissistic sociopath.
I'm still getting to grips with all these memories after all these years after after a son of my own who I have actively loved and cherished and empowered with all my heart every single day.
It's only as I have grown as a Mother that I have felt the truth of her crimes against me. It has been through the loving of my boy that I have felt the real truth of her dereliction of duty and abusive behaviour.
The rage has followed this.
Ooh that rage is FIERCE XXX