a wasted session. what is wrong with me .gy god i am such an idiot .i spent the whole session in complete panic mode do to the fact that she wanted me to go up the stairs in front of her.i spent the time unable to talk and then when i could croak out some of what is going on all i did was wine about how i hate that and it was different .she talked about how it was different and she didnt realize it and how she understands how me coming back after a break things needed to be the same as possible . i agree but again what i couldnt talk about is why i dont like her walking up the stairs behind me . it is a trust thing . i do this with everyone even my husband . i need to see them . the mother use to hide on me when i was really young and i would think she left me and i would panic like crazy . i got to the point that i always walked a few steps behind her so she couldnt do this. also when she was in a rage i would often run up stairs with her after me to hurt me. once she grabbed my leg and threw me back and i hit my head on a sewer pipe and split it open and got a big concussion . that was one of the times i had to stay in the hospital . i dont think she would believe me if i told her that