(((((dorsey)))))

Let me start off by saying thank you for posting. I can connect to so much of what you said. Speaking to those who hurt me never existed and even to those who say they care, just was not possible. I could not allow anyone to see what I was or was feeling.

I know the feeling of losing one's family as I too am stepping out of what I know to something good for myself. For the first time in my life, I am reaching for something that will take care of me instead of just accepting what others have told me I deserve. And maybe in that willingness to take a chance to reach, I am starting the beginning of taking care of myself.

I know I have deserted myself and at times it is hard to even recognize I exist anymore. It is as though I have faded off into the walls and became what ever was expected. I accepted where I was as what was to be, when in reality, I really do have a choice. I shut off any feelings I may have had and just accepted what would keep the peace or make others care in anyway I could get it. And in that care, I denighed who I was or that I even existed.

Finding one's self and allowing what I need to be is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Being heard for the first time with no judgement and no expectation has been really hard, yet I continue to reach for that unfamiliar for it is in that unfamiliar, I have found a glimmer of hope that I did not even know could exist. And I guess in realizing that existence, maybe for the first time I am accepting myself as a person who deserves to have a voice.

Maybe, that is the first step of beginning to love myself. And although just to say that scares me, it is also the first time those words have ever left myself. And though I am scared to death to push that send button, maybe it is just the thing I need to start listening from the inside out.

Thank you for your post and for your courage to say what you did. You gave me the courage to look inside myself today for maybe the first time, and say these things. I do hope you give yourself that gift of stopping and just reaching inside yourself and to love yourself. You are strong and brave. I send you you good thoughts and prayers. Know you are loved. (and I hope you have a wonderful birthday).

purplesecrets