Maybe he was just trying to convey that he understood that you are looking for something so much more than words.
I'm not sure what to do today. Should I write it out and then hand it to him? I don't care if he reads things silently in front of me. It's better than me having to say it out loud. Sometimes I sit down and hand him a poem. He reads in front of me, silently. I've come a long way. I used to not even be able to do that.
What should I doooooooooo? This is really want I want to tell him. I want to say:
Sometimes it's too overwhelming to even look at you. Too intense. This is because if I do look at you I feel too strongly and it hurts because I want so badly to just reach out and touch your hand or for you to hug me or hold me. Even when we are connected there is still an enormous amount of space between us. The little kid feelings... the ones that want you to just take care of me and keep me safe... the little kid part, she wants to get a hug from you.
no way no way noway itakeitback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't say that.
Can I write that?
Oh. I just did.
Can I print it out and give it to him today?