@ Bill3
Honestly, I'm just assuming that it went beyond what most people do based on what I've seen others do. Maybe it's equal for some other doctoral projects/theses, whatever you want to call it.

I don't think I'd have any respect for someone else who had as financially as easy of a life as I've had.

Besides, none of that has made me any money, nor will it help me make money in the future. Going above and beyond, being top of the class, etc. has never done anything for me. I'm just tired of being everyone's slave. I was supposed to be paid in October for my involvement in a musical, but no, I was just their slave once again.

I just get tired of how my work and awards makes my school and professors look good but they do nothing to help me. I am everyone's last choice for everything! For example, I'm really good at playing chamber music and one of the graduate groups needed someone on my instrument in order to enter a contest. My name was suggested and pushed for to fill that spot, but no, it has to go to someone that their advisor even thinks needs more experience and skills in chamber music. But they're entering a contest…not just sitting around learning chamber music. Besides, I don't have much chamber music experience. When I was in that ensemble, no one gave a crap about us. As soon as I leave, their advisor actually pays attention to them…this has been my entire life.

No one ever notices me unless I dye my hair crazy colors and wear neon colored clothes. I'm just disposable and I always have been…even though I'm always filling the role other people don't want while other people usually get most if not all the glory. I'm clearly not important in any way. Especially not to the university I'm at. My work has been shown at three conventions/competitions, but does it help me at all at getting a teaching assistantship or a fellowship? No, because apparently they'll never give it to anyone past the first year…something other schools don't do. They'd rather it give it to people who are new who just happen to be born in the right family or whatever. That's what it's all about of course. Who your father is. My dad is well known, but in the wrong industry, so I'm always at a disadvantage.

People on the outside don't understand…you have to have a ton of friends everywhere if you want a chance at jobs, but even my therapist doesn't understand! I don't have the energy or skills to make friends, let alone keep them, so I guess I have to switch industries then? It's too bad it would be such a waste of talent and now money and time at this point.

I just don't see how someone who grew up being treated like trash and who wasn't really allowed to have an opinion or feelings is supposed to just magically have self-esteem especially when they and the person they love is treated like garbage by a lot of people. And just because we're "different" and born into the "wrong families"!