Hi all,
I am struggling. I need advice, I feel like I'm going crazy. My fiancé and I have been together going on 2 years. I recently found out he has been lying about his past all along. Here's a brief explanation. I have been married before and my now ex husband cheated on me with prostitutes. It was a very sore subject with me and I didn't want to go through something like that again or be with someone who ever lived that lifestyle. Fast forward to 2 years ago I met my now fiancé and upon agreeing to commit and be bf/gf I asked him directly if he had ever had anything to do with prostitution, escorts, etc because that would be a deal breaker. He said no and I had no cause to doubt him. After a few months of dating I found an email for mutual arrangements in his email by accident. I was shocked and he admitted to being on it before we met. For those of you that don't know mutual arrangement is a sex for sugar baby site. I was shocked, hurt and lost some trust in him. I had asked him how many women and he said he "dated" 4 but only slept with one. His ex gf whom he lied to me about meeting her there. I felt a nagging suspicion that he was lying and kept asking him for a year and a half if he had had sex with any of those other women as I found emails, personal effects (sex toys and condoms) around his house that suggested otherwise. I told him just let me know now because if that's the case I don't want to find out later. He spent the last year swearing to me that he did not, every time I would find something he would tell me that I was crazy and paranoid and he wanted to break up. He would convince me that I was and I would just let it go believing I was going crazy but I still had suspicion. Well a few days ago is when everything came crashing down. I found a SIM card belonging to a phone in his car and demanded to know where that phone was as we both have phones that do not use SIM cards. He told me again that I was "nuts" and there was no other phone, but my gut told me different. So I called the phone company and gave them the numbers on the SIM card and sure enough it was a phone that he bought just last month. He told me that they didn't know what they were talking about. I found the phone. He had been using it to secretly call his ex wife. He said that she was his friend that he didn't want to let go and since I did not like it when he talked to her, when we got into a fight he bought a cell so he could. I was livid, hurt and more feeling betrayed and lied to. I then demanded to know what else he was hiding. I had caught him on dating sites etc when we would fight in the past. Long story short I forced him to open up his email to me and sure enough all of the women from mutual arrangements that he claimed not to sleep with. He did. Including one stating that she had hepatitis C. I was in shock that he had been lying to me and making up elaborate stories about these women for almost 2 years to keep me from finding out. All our trust is broke and gone. He told me that he lied because it was none of my business who he slept with in the past but I countered that I had asked him point blank in the beginning if he had and he denied it so he lied and deceived me. Also he put my health at risk by not telling me he had sex before with someone with hep c. I feel it was his job just to answer yes or no in the beginning when I asked him, without providing details so I had the choice to decide if I wanted to date him. I feel completely turned off by him and the fact that he was so desperate to get laid that he would sleep with a woman that has hep c knowingly. He already has genital herpes but told me he got it in his 20s now I'm not so sure. My question is do I have a right to be mad that he lied about his past when I asked him? I believe I do but he has made me feel so crazy that I doubt my own thoughts/instincts. Sorry for the long winded story and thank you to everyone in advance.