I think hopeless may be with your attitude towards treatment or care. Though my attention span wasn't there to read your entire message I got some key points. Vet, Agent Orange, unwanted, parents abused you terribly, oh and brain damage.

Okay so you need intense therapy, group therapy, and probably some kind of medical treatment. But whatever is stopping all this lies with you. You need to figure out what you want to accomplish by seeking treatment. Do you want to feel better, live more normally, etc. Figure out your goals, list what steps you need to take to achieve them. And find someone who will help you reach them.