Hmm. I was close with my parents as a kid, more with my dad than my mom, and he died when I was 14. I don't really consider myself "close" with my mom, in that I don't really tell her much about my life unless I need her help. But if you compare it to my boyfriend's relationship with his parents, then you'd definitely say my mom and I are close. My boyfriend only calls his parents a couple times a year. If we lived in his hometown it might be different though. My mom happens to live here, and his parents don't.

What you say about bonding though is interesting. I had been looking at Schizoid PD but that was what kept snagging me, that I do form bonds, just with a very select few people. Outside these few people, it's just like you say, I can't trust people. I assume that people only talk to me if they want something of me. I assume that people are either indifferent or opposed to me.
I thought the avoidance was the key... hence the name. I go to such lengths to avoid any situation that might lead someone to express anger with me, even situations that most people wouldn't even consider stressful. I can see this type of personality arising out of a lack of bonding, like you describe with your parents. But it seems just as likely to happen to someone like me, who had supportive parents, and then learned that the rest of the world isn't so accepting. I have a really hard time relating to people, because I almost always see them as threats. I find it hard to put myself in someone else's shoes, except when I'm imagining how they might respond to me. And then I think it to death, and no one can understand why I don't just do something, instead of making a list of all the possible outcomes and trying to plan accordingly. That part might be the OCPD. But I think it's telling that this aspect of my personality almost always comes out when I'm thinking about people. I don't think about my budget, or general work duties, or rearranging my living room in that way. But if I have to tell someone something negative, or know I'm going to be in a social situation I'm not comfortable with or have no experience with, my OCPD goes into overdrive and I run through conversations in my head, trying to predict what the other person will say, so I'll know what to say next. Things just seem like a much bigger deal to me than other people.
Case in point: as I was writing this at work, my boyfriend called me from home to ask if I took his cigarettes this morning. I did, because mine were nowhere to be found, and when that happens after I've had a day off, it's almost always because I left them out and someone else moved them. I checked my coat pocket where I always keep mine, they weren't there. In my mind that meant there was another pack somewhere at home, and since I didn't have time to look before leaving for work, but my boyfriend will have time since he doesn't come in until the afternoon, that seemed a good enough reason to take them. I left him a few on the table to get him through the morning. But he was mad that I took them, saying it's not his responsibility to look after my smokes. I know it isn't, but the equation in my mind still says there's a pack there for him to find, which is probably only missing because he moved them from where I originally had them.
It's really not that big a deal. But even to you guys I have to explain myself! I feel like if I just say, "Sorry, my bad" something horrible will happen. I can't explain it. It's what I end up doing in the end anyway, but not before I try to defend myself anyway I can. And somehow I feel like it's one of those things that could turn into a relationship-ending fight, which is ridiculous. We're much more stable than that. But that's the feeling I have when he's telling me it's not cool to take his cigarettes. It feels like an imminent threat, I get flutters of anxiety and have to remind myself not to respond in a hostile manner.
It's like this every day. The smallest thing, a customer not being happy that our prices have gone up, my boyfriend being annoyed, the thought of calling my boss to let them know I'll be five minutes late. Every one of these situations feels like combat to me. Not that I've ever been in real combat, but that's what I imagine: a fight-or-flight response, heart rate rising, mind racing, looking desperately for a way out, and finding that the only way is to admit fault, which scares the crap out of me because I think the second I do, I'll be viewed as worthless.

Another example: The other day I basically accused my roommate of taking a jar of my weed. I know she's done it before, but I very rarely confront her, or anyone for that matter. I spent days looking everywhere for this jar so I could be absolutely sure before saying anything to her. A couple days before, I asked her to check the dates on her jars, because I was looking for one that was bought on my birthday. When I asked two days later, she had thrown out her empty jars, making it impossible to identify the one she took. So I decided to make it known that I knew she took it, even though this time it may have been an accident. But I still couldn't put it in any blunt words. I just couldn't fathom what I would say that could be so direct, and instead ended up telling her "Happy birthday from my step-dad" because he was the one who gave me what was in that jar. So passive-aggressive, I feel like a jerk but that was about the safest way I could think of to express my anger. And still, I found myself shaking uncontrollably afterward. And later, when my boyfriend suggested I try to let her know we're okay by offering her some of the food I was cooking, I found it so difficult. I stood in the bathroom opening and closing my fists, trying to plan exactly what words I would use, trying to calm myself so my voice would come out natural, instead of still sounding hostile like I felt. But I did it, and my boyfriend was right, she started acting normal again, and offered to give me some nugs out of her next batch as an apology. She didn't actually say "sorry", but I know she has similar avoidant problems as me, so I knew she was apologizing. The feelings of terror I had before offering her food made absolutely no sense, and the results prove it. But that doesn't stop me from feeling that way every time something like this comes up. I'm so terrified of people thinking badly of me that I won't even call them out when I think they're wrong.

I guess my theory is that even if I don't present exactly like AvPD, it's probably because some of my other problems make it look different. If it's possible to be AvPD and DPD (and I don't see why not, as I already have OCPD and they're all in the same cluster) then my dependence on one or two very important people might make it look like I'm not avoidant. How can I avoid the people I feel I need?