Wow....I'm glad I offered my list of things to think about..sounds like it opened the door for you to truly open up about the relationship.

If its this bad before marriage it will only get worse after & after marriage it's a lot harder to get out of & divorces are NOT CHEAP just with filing fees & stuff....save your money...drop her now & don't look back if she whines or makes promises to change....this type of personality doesn't change & would require years of proof before I would ever even consider (which would never happen in the first place.)

With someone like that you will loose your identity even more than you are already starting to.

Now my H was incapable of taking care of anything & I tried to force responsibility on him which he failed miserably at & I continually was cleaning up the messes he made....BUT YOU DON'T sound like that kind of person nor does it sound like she's willing to give you any responsibility or work closely together with you which is how it should work.

MARRIAGE IS A TEAM that works together. It's obvious that's not what she wants or knows how to do.

If I were you I would decide how I wanted the marriage to work & lay it on the line....however I would be careful if she does agree. Before the wedding & after the red flags I saw, I did just that & he agreed & offered nothing to negotiate....come to find out 33 years later he thought I would change my mind....he was incapable of truly communicating so he would agree not even understanding fully what he was agreeing to. We had NOTHING BUT 33 years of fighting & I HID in my career to avoid having to be around him. We buth had equal paying computer engineering careers so it was only for financial reasons I stayed along with not wanting to be a single parent & hold down a time demanding career....but it was like living in hell.

I would only lay out what you expect in a marriage as your reason for leaving....maybe she can learn some year down the road but not on you....IMO & from personal experience I would walk out now & never look back & wonder.