I've been obsessing over my past a lot and it feels like everything has been a waste.
I'm turning 18 in about 3 months and I haven't done anything that "normal" teenagers I know have done these years.
Instead of partying and meeting new people I've spent years inside my head obsessing over things that shouldn't matter. I feel left out and I can't really relate to other girls my age.
I don't have many friends - the few I have can't empathize with my situation and I'm afraid I'll be all alone soon.
I've never been in a relationship either because I've pushed people away and isolated myself. I know this probably sounds stupid since I'm still young, but I'll never get those years back and the future isn't looking too bright either.
And the worst part is that it has taken this long to actually realize it.

I've spent most of my life making up scenarios and characters for me to interact with and now I do it every day.
I can spend hours "talking" to people in my head - they have their own stories, personalities, and they actually care about me.
I've always pushed away the thought "they're not real" even if it's obvious. It feels great to immerse myself in a better world with interesting characters, and fantasy is better than reality.

But there are times, like now, when I'm coming back to the real world and it makes me sick.
It all hits me at once: I'm wasting my time, I'm lonely, my life is mediocre compared to the fantasy world and I'm a flawed person.
I know that pretty much everyone likes to get lost in daydreams from time to time but I've been doing it so often now that the real world almost makes me physically ill. I always knew something was wrong regarding these fantasies but I didn't realize what it was until now.
I don't think I've ever felt this lonely and I feel guilty for daydreaming now.

I'm just posting this to get it out of my system and see if anyone else has/had a similar experience.
I really wish I wouldn't have to "feel old" at this age or obsess about the past but everything seems like a giant waste of time and potential.