Quote:
Originally Posted by Echos Myron
I spent years learning how to bury feelings, hide emotions and deny my feelings even to myself.
I've been in therapy for 19 months now and so many new feelings and thoughts which were outside my awareness have come to the surface. It's quite scary really!
When I'm outside of my session I find myself wanting to talk about these feelings with people a lot, and I'm still learning to navigate when this is and isn't appropriate. My social skills aren't the best anyway, but I've never had any experience with appropriate disclosure of emotions to others, because I've rarely been aware of feeling any emotions before. So it's all new to me.
Recently, after a few drinks, I said something about my feelings to someone that I really wish I hadn't. I am sure that if I hadn't been in therapy, these feelings wouldn't have been in my awareness, let alone on the tip of my tongue.
Does anyone else struggle to strike a balance when talking about these types of things out of session? Is it simply a matter of practice?
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I have some trouble with this, too. I'll decide to be more open with a friend and then be afraid that I overshared and they'll reject me. So far, those fears have been unfounded, but they're still there. I think much of it comes from my mom being the type to want to keep everything hidden. Therapy has helped me to realize that I do better when I talk about things, both in therapy and with other people in my life. Keeping everything inside just makes depression and anxiety worse, at least for me.
I feel like I have this need to be accepted by people, but then I fear if they know the "real me," then they won't accept me. But then, if I don't show them the "real me," how will I really feel accepted? This has been an issue with romantic relationships, too. Not sure how much sense that makes, but I feel like I'm often walking this fine line of what to share and with whom. I have some friends that I've known for years that know little of my mental health issues, and others that I haven't known for that long that know more, just because I feel safer confiding in them.
Yesterday, I told my T something I haven't really told anyone (at least that I recall). It's not something I plan to share with friends (or probably even my H), but it's like I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders by sharing it (and not being rejected as a result).
I feel like I'm rambling and not making much sense, but just mainly trying to say that I get it! And it really helps to come on here, because people are generally so accepting. Yeah, we're all kinda hiding behind the Internet, but it still helps to know we're not alone.