Agreed Also agree with DBTDiva above.

Some of us have had the experience of needing to reinforce very stiff boundaries with close friends or family who have BPD. My T served me quite the lecture on that topic, and more than once! (My closest BPD-person at that time, had a habit of pretty much steamrollering me, sigh And bc i was kinda clueless, I not only allowed it but generally didn't see it coming..D'Oh!. However (and imo this is a telling distinction) never, never, did anyone recommend completely turning my back on this friend & shutting her out totally!
Just cannot imagine how your in-laws can think that their shunning you is supposed to cause something good to happen? Or what that "helping you" benefit is gonna look likewhen it shows up ???

Honestly, it sounds like a manipulation. But then I don't know them, soooo....?

Best to you, and chin up! Sympathies to both you & your dh

xo Chyia