I wrote this in my most recent hypomanic state when I was having some thoughts of grandeur. I felt like I had a eureka moment, but I recognize now I was a little carried away.

BIPOLAR DISORDER AND MEMORY

Individuals suffering from bipolar disorder experience three distinct states of mood. The states in which the disorder got it’s name are the two extreme emotional states, these are depression and mania. However, while often bouncing between these two mood extremes, a person is often in a neutral state where there mood is neither depressed or in a state of mania.
In these separate and distinct mood states, the neurological climate of the brain are in contrast. While an individual in a depressive episode may have a complete lack of dopamine reaching neural receptors, thus preventing enjoyment of pleasurable activities, a manic episode induces a constant state of euphoria, much like an amphetamine high where dopamine floods the brain and is completely used up resulting in a crash (depression).
I myself have experiences both the euphoria of mania and the melancholy of depression and one thing has stood out; the inability to recall what it felt like at a time when things were different. What I mean by this is when i was in a severe depression I was unable to remember what it felt like to be happy, to have hope for the future. The same was true during a manic episode when my brain was so full of dopamine that all I could experience was joy, happiness, and an unrelenting feeling like I could be and do anything. The strangest truth of all is when I was in a neutral mood state those times of depression and mania seemed like they happened to someone else. So what causes this emotional amnesia? What caused me to be unable to recall what it was like to be in those other states of mood when stuck in another.
I believe the answer to this phenomenon lies in the link between memory and emotion. Just as the smell of your grandmas pie can instantly invoke a childhood memory, the feelings of melancholy can invoke memories of other times of your life that you experienced depression. Not only does it make those memories easier to access, much like how a smell instantly recalls a memory, but it can lock your brain into only being able to access those memories of feeling sad and hopeless. People suffering with bipolar disorder are unable to recall the memories of mood states that they are not currently experiencing, meaning when depressed all they remember is being depressed and hopeless, and when manic, they only recall feelings of euphoria and hope. This is emotional amnesia. The cause of bipolar disorder, is at it’s heart a memory deficiency.