I grew up as an only child with parents who were totally socially awkward...it took looking back to realize that though I felt it at the time & didn't know what I was experiencing with my parents. But I spent most of my growing up years alone though active in school activities including band, orchestra, talent shows, student government, girls athletic club, & the girls honor clubs for good grades....but I could only be involved in things that I could arrange to get to myself to because my mom didn't drive & they had no friends they knew to make driving arrangements with. I always felt awkward around people because it's all I saw & experienced at home.

College was great...had my own car & my own freedom though living at home & working when not in school...& my focus was on good grades & getting a good career.

Got married unknowingly to a guy who was just as dysfunctional socially as my parents....guess that's what happens when you don't know anything different. Though I performed in chamber groups, active in church choir & all the music activities, also in my career I was active in the management club even as treasurer.... & also with all the headaches was treasurer for years in our HOA of our first home. Played racquetball & was active in all the tournaments they had. So exhausted from that & mostly working 60-70 hours a week avoiding my bad marriage that I was basically exhausted most of my life.

After my career crashed I pretty much quit living for the next 10 years though I bought my horse & my first American Eskimo dog & started training & showing both....my depression was so bad I was in & out of psych hospital stays & Eating Disorder treatment & just plain wanting life to end....even though married I was totally alone & divorce seemed impossible because of financial reasons & horrible continuous migraines kept me mostly in bed in a dark room for most of those years....alone was pretty good....I had no desire to be around anyone.

Interesting though..after my mom died & I sold her house....I took my inheritance & left my bad marriage....2100 miles away in a new state where I didn't know anyone....good place to start over & figure out who in the world I really was. Started off at the library in their monthly book club discussion group...something I had never done before in my life. The community was starting a horse group & I went to the planning meetings for that. I was living in a small town of 8000 compared to the millions in Los Angeles...lots of activities to wander around & look at...totally historical area of the country. Got involved in a wonderful women's Bible study group then started going to a new little church. Volunteered at the horse park for the 2010 world equestrian games on the decoration crew I had no idea at the time it was a group that volunteers annually for the eventing show there also...I have mat so many wonderful different people in so many different areas of interest in my life & I have so many friends that ask me to ride their horses until I can bring mine here..& I have always loved ballroom dancing & who would think????....I have found the most awesome ballroom dancing class with awesome people there.

Sometimes I have too many things going in my life that I crave some down & alone time that I used to have continuously. It's nice to have both as my down time with my dogs gives me time to relax & get back my energy. Never imagined my life would end up like this....have to admit that after 33 years in a bad marriage I love my own quiet home on 10 acres woth woods to hike in & explore with my dogs is a wonderful change from living in Los Angeles.....& maybe having been an only child makes living alone easier.....but I still enjoy a great social life with friends, an experience I never had before either...the last 8 years have more than made up for the previous 54