I effectively punish my wife for challenging me: criticising me and asking me to do things I don't want to do. In my early life I was a reasonably well-behaved boy and was left to get on with my self with little parental pressure. It seems like I want to recreate this even though I'm 60 years old and have been married for 18 years! You would have thought I would be more mature by now.

My wife and I have struggled to name what is wrong with me. I do feel regret and shame - especially for the lying, the tantrums and the impact this all has on my wife and our marriage. The tantrums have disappeared for the past two months, by the way. I would say that I am self-centred and relatively unempathic (despite having been a counsellor myself and a lifelong Buddhist!)