See, I feel like that's an exaggeration, especially because things only started getting troubling in preadolescence, it's not like I was mocked every time I asked a question as a small child, or even hurt in any way. And it escalated with age, actually peaking in my late teens.

"Intimacy meant humiliation and pain"? Again, so damn dramatic. I mean, I wish I could say I had some childhood psychodrama, but compared to others, I don't. It feels wrong to act like my upbringing was bad or neglectful - though really, it sometimes seems like I was taken care of physically, but mentally or emotionally didn't get what I needed, or thought I needed.

In terms of people leaving: one parent is dead and I now identified that I felt "emotionally abandoned" by the other, valid or not. I also bounced around schools so much I saw no point in making friends since I was just going to leave them; and I recently remembered back when I did have friends as a small child, I was often envious of them and felt inferior in some way. So...I'm not exactly set up well for human connection.