Fair enough sorry for overdramtics, but still I think we are onto something helpful.

I'm very sorry for the loss if your father.

It sounds like it was right aroubd the time of his death that your mother became more difficult with you. I agree that moving around a lot interfered with learning how to be close with others. So loss, ongoing hurt, isolation combined over 10 years could very well combine to make you fearful of close connection with others, and of revealing yourself to others.

But online it seems you feel safer sharing of yourself. To what do you attribute that?