I have to leave a few minutes. I have this thing typed up, this thing about the little kid feelings, about wanting him to hold me when I feel connected, about how it 's representational of other relationships in my life, how I can be connected on some level but somehow I'm always left with disconnection on other levels and a loss of how to close up the distance. I am so nervous. I don't know if I can give this to him. No %#@&#! way am I going to read it. I'm going to give it to him to read. It's pretty short, but it's saying a hell of a lot in just a tiny paragraph. I don't know. %#@&#! %#@&#! %#@&#! 25 minutes I have to leave.

24 minutes.

then why am i still sitting here?!?!?!?!

okok i'm going now......