I don't think she has any early emotional wounds. I know she was reading a lot since she was a child, classics mostly. Her views about how relationships works are mostly based on the things she has read. She was hiding in books in a way. She was always blaming me for not reading enough of the classical literature. What can I say, I had a lot of other things to fill my time with...
Her relationship with men was strange. I know she has lost her virginity in her very late twenties to a date-rape. Some years later he met my father who was very persistent (her words).
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Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
I get the feeling that you assume mothers and daughters are supposed to get along? Well, that's the impression I get based on your question about why you don't get along with her.
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We just don't have a real reason not to get along. And I am the one who is usually losing her temper. Or I say something that upsets her and she loses her temper. And neither of us is a bad mean person on our own. As strange as it may sound, I become a really mean person when I have to deal with her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey
She has the power to not be alone. Is she doing anything about it? I see her as someone who pushes away her own daughter. So is she really the innocent victim in all of this? I don't think so. She's had a role in her own isolation.
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Yes, she chooses to be alone. She says she likes it this way. I was very worried about it at first, but then I decided to accept it.
She is not actively pushing me away, she just doesn't seem to know better. Her way of communicating with me didn't change over the years. When I was a child I would ask for toys or treats and she was in control of all of those things. Now I don't ask for anything anymore and it seems to be bringing her down. Well actually I was asking for something not so long ago...
When I started feeling that the things between me and my now-husband were getting serious I got scared. Not scared of bad things happening, but scared of big life changes. I called her and I asked her if I can visit her (it's a 2 hour flight to her place from where I live now) and she turned me down. She said it's silly and that what I am feeling is just a phase. Please note it was not a money issue because I was earning enough at that time.
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I have started this thread and I am not really sure what I want out of this. I want to hear what you guys think and I don't really expect a solution. I talked about my mother issues my with friends and colleagues and the general answer was that I just have to live with it. I am trying to talk to her, I am sending her postcards and presents (for Christmas and her Bday). To date visiting her is one of my greatest challenges