Are you afraid that by t being with the man you might lose her? If she gets married, has a family, etc she will focus less on you and her clients? Even work less etc.

The reason I ask this is my T became involved in a new relationship a few years ago. While she is too old for children and such, she travels more, is less of a work-a-holic, etc. However, she continues to be a great therapist and such and continues to be there whenever needed.

Is it possible you are in the "coming to terms with what T CAN'T be " place??? I have profound grief over the neglect and abuse I experienced as a child, as you might over what you missed out on in your marriage. At times that grief manifests as not wanting my T to have other clients/compare me to anyone/not answer my emails because I want my T to FIX it. But that is magical thinking. The past can be healed. You can experience love in the present so you know what you missed and learn how to give it to yourself. You can take the past's power to hurt or control you away. But your T can't fix it or fill that empty space. Sometimes when I get tired of how much work therapy is I want her to.
It can be a hard place to get out of especially when life is exhausting you. I always ask myself what T has done for me that I could do for myself, for example I could tell myself loving encouraging things ( I suck at it, but I can try)...
Anyway something to think about . you've had a very tough emotional year. Maybe some part of you just wants T to pull you out of the muck and give you the happiness you long for. Which isn't possible but certainly is an attractive fantasy
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