Quote:
Originally Posted by continuosly blue
This is what happened to my own sister. My mother died when she was only 16.
My father wasn't really there for us ,( her , me , my other two brothers were already out of the house , and my other sister.) , because he was too busy with his mistress . He had her on the side for many years but that's another story. Anyway she was approached by a man 20 yrs. older than her. Now I know she absolutely was looking for a father figure and this guy was coming off a divorce. In his first family he had 3 or 4 kids. He swooped down on her like a hawk.
Now I knew damn well what this was about but couldn't touch him because my sister said she liked him. They got married when she turned 18.
He "molded" her to be what he wanted her to be. She went to school to learn something he suggested to her. She successfully completed it. She was and is still now making more money then he ever made. She's so stressed because of the pressure though. They kept upping their lifestyle so now they're in debt.
Now this is the thing. They are still married after about 30 yrs. They have outlasted me and my siblings in not getting divorced. They have a couple of great kids , ( thank God for her ). He has no contact with his previous family. He's now in his late 60's and is a physical wreck and useless. Not only does she work hard but she also cooks for them all the time, cleans the house , does their laundry etc...( very similar to the way my mother was ). Since he is such a physical mess he can't hardly do anything but drive and watch his kids play sports. He's done. She's so stressed but doesn't want to hear it. He's got her so brainwashed over the yrs. He plays both roles , father and husband.
So in one way he seemed good for her but in another I don't think so. Her relationship with her "real" father isn't so great . She doesn't even really know him. And does she even know what her real identity is ?
I honestly don't know what to think. From the outside looking in you would think they're a great couple. But from the inside , I don't know.
I mean if they really love each other then who am I to say anything. What bothers me is him having molded a slave to take care of him. He knows all about her past ,but what does she really know about him ? Whatever he tells her. Maybe it doesn't matter. I was with my wife for over 40 yrs. but didn't really "know" her at all.
I know in some cases younger woman go after older men for financial reasons. But that wasn't the case here.
Who the heck knows what's best for anybody ??
|
That's a good point the ones who come across like a dad figure. I had many of those approach me a long time ago. When I was 18, I was hanging out with an older guy assuming he was 34 because he said he felt like he was 34 so I thought he was 34. I found out later on, he is 44! The guy had a great sense of humor and we did fool around sexually (not penetrative sex) he ended up having romantic feelings for me but backed away because of the age difference.
So yea, if an older approaches, be mindful he could be preying, trying to be a daddy, etc that right there is downright abusive. However, if there's a mutual attraction on both ends and he is a great guy then there's nothing wrong with that. Now, I go up to 40s. I am aware of the life differences between them and me. On other sites, I get a lot of men in their 40s they come across like 20 yr olds not my cup of tea. I'd be more interested if they acted their age, smooth, and suave.