BayBrony's reply rocks. I just wanted to add my thoughts, in case they're of help.

1step, from my point of view what your T said sounds like an absolute gift. Maybe it wasn't the most eloquent way of putting it given your relationship at present, but I really think it was excellent nonetheless. Here's why...

I think we're a lot alike in the way we hold things in / won't just let go. For me--and maybe for you?--that's always been about feeling like I need to maintain control and avoid rejection. (Thanks Mom! That's where it started.) Anyway, so I've tried to control the process with T as much as possible, which doesn't really work, of course. My T has been as patient as anyone could be, but she also hasn't just let me run the show.

I only recently realized (after 6 1/2 years with T) that my desire to be able to love my mom without being rejected was an issue that was getting played out in therapy. I finally figured it out one day during a heavy moment in T where I started babbling about how I wanted to be able to love my mom but she wouldn't allow it. At the end of it all I said "And what I want to know is if it's OK to love you (T)."

She responded beautifully (and not at all creepily). Among other things she said she was genuinely pleased that I could allow myself to feel that sort of connection with her.

It felt like a total gift, especially because of my controlling issues. I mean, I had to be brave enough to ask, but she basically let me know that it was going to be OK if I had loving feelings toward her...that she wouldn't reject me for it. And that's what I mean about it being a gift for you when T told you she wanted you to fall in love with her. Maybe it's her way of saying that it's OK for you to have the deep feelings toward her that will allow you to open up more easily. She's not going to reject you for it.

For me, since that moment therapy has gotten better / the pace has picked up. I feel less desperate to control things, even though there's still a lot of grieving she and I both know I need to do. And I'm so grateful to her for it. There are, of course, no guarantees. If I got crazy needy, maybe she'd have to back off for example. But for now I finally trust her enough that I feel like I can give up a little control and talk more.

Wishing you peace. And while lots of people have given lots of good reasons to be cautious, I still say jump in. For me it's been SO worth it!