Hello everyone. I believe I am posting into correct category. This week I was raped. I never thought something like that would happen to me, well it did. I didn't go to police (please don't blame me for that, I just couldn't), didn't tell anyone irl except a friend who was with me that night. But friend is leaving the country, can't help me/support me.
I get feelings of guilt, that maybe it was my fault. I ask myself why, what would happen if... ? I could have avoided it. Physical wounds are somehow healing but my mind just can't accept it. I am shaking almost all day, still thinking about the physical pain, how disgusted and confused I was. Who says "you're so beautiful" while making me cry of pain? Who does that? I couldn't leave, he was too muscular and tall, there was no space that I could just run away.
I had a pretty rough idea what my life will look like in next few weeks (finishing exams, prepare for entrance exam, relax etc.). And then this happened and I am completely lost. Had to postpone exams, I am avoiding friends, I don't want to talk to them, they don't know and won't know. Everyday problems don't affect me anymore, it's like none of it matters. Only place when I am "okay" is when I am sleeping. I woke up from a nice dream and I felt good but then I remembered what happened to me and it hit me like a train. I sleep a lot, or I just lie in a bed, there's no real reason why get up.
Thank you for hearing me out, and I hope someone who went through this will show me the way how to cope with this. Thank you