Mind your own business!

Over time, the neighbors on both sides of us, have complained to my father about the abuse. They could hear the commotion from within their own homes.
I was too young, scared, and ignorant to know any different.
I actually thought that all kids got beaten by their parents, and that my beatings were part and parcel of being a bad boy, or worse, being somewhat of a mistake.
I could never seem to please my father, no matter what I did. Even so, I actually believed that my parents were correct, wise, and perfect. They were not to be questioned.

Then one day, half way through a severe disciplinary session, my father got interrupted by a load knocking on the front door. As he went to answer the door, he told me to keep quiet.
This time it was the neighbor across the road complaining. He threatened to call the police if my father did not stop.
My father angrily told him to, "Mind your own business!" and slammed the door in the neighbors face. Then my father blamed me for screaming too load, and said "I'll teach you not to scream!" ....
I thought: 'The police! Surely something is wrong here. This is the third time someone complained about my father. Maybe there is something wrong with him'.
It was the first time I started to realized that something was seriously wrong at home.



Later I questioned my school friends. I then realized that something was wrong with my father.
I did not know from what, but from that time on I purposely tried to avoid him as much as possible.

Decades later, one important lesson I learnt from my childhood neighbors is that whenever two or more oppose my rationality they saw something I do not.
It is more than likely that I am in some sort of denial. This is time to listen to others and to evaluate the truth.
If I am in denial, sometimes it takes a while to see it.

I remember being told by a few people, in group therapy, that I was in denial. I opposed the accusation. As I stormed off, I remembered the two-three people lesson.
So I checked the dictionary to make sure I knew what denial meant. When I read the definition, I realized I already knew what the word meant, but denied it. I thought, 'How crazy is that?'

I thought about my ability for denial. I came to realize that I have to know what I am denying before I can deny it. So I did know what I was doing!
So, for my denial to have the desired effect, to plead ignorance, I must not dwell on whatever it is I wish deny, or it won't work.
My discovery of this truth forced me to be fully responsible for my denials. I can no longer plead ignorance to things I do not wish to face.

The other lesson I learnt is that nobody is perfect. Trust others, but not blindly.
It was a blow to realize that my father was not perfect, yet his imperfection opened the possibility that I was not the mistake I thought I was.