If I really think about it I've had depressive episodes throughout my life. This time around there were a couple of triggers that took me to a black hole...my dark place. Recently, and I don't know if this is just my depressive cycle or due to situations but recently: I went out with a friend I had not seen in a long time. We chatted over lunch. It was awesome because I hardly go out. The next day I met with a colleague to discuss work and it felt good to experience some discussion and, share thought processes, and have good feelings over just being able to talk to a human, have spontaneous thoughts and feelings, and appreciate that someone was helping me on an assignment.

I started feeling better than I had in the last several months. I didn't do as much work as I needed to the next two days, but because I had a presentation today, I got up this morning and made sure I was prepared for it. I feel like I might be getting out of my slump, but who knows, I might end up falling back in the hole in between the times that I must meet a deadline or must fulfill a commitment and go out somewhere. It's the accountability that makes me do what I have to do to get by, so the adrenaline or dread of humiliation gets me to do it. But without that I have wanted to lie on the couch or in bed and do nothing. So, I am not sure if any positive moods are temporary as they have been the last several months.

I do have a therapist and a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist is for my anxiety. But I've never discussed that I might have a depression problem. My therapist has more insight into me since I see her often, and may suspect it, but doesn't talk to me about it. I'm not sure she really helps my overall well-being since it's been several years that I've been seeing her and I've gotten to this ugly place. I've written a lot. Hope you followed it and can give any insight.