Was a slow day at work today. Been having a lot of rain and some storms with it. It's nice for a change to have rainy weather. At where I am, it does not rain often. Sometimes I get the feeling that I will be let down when it ends. I like the rain, darkness, and it's something to talk about with other people.

There were parts of the day when I felt happy. What's weird is when I feel happy, I feel that there's something wrong with feeling that way. I don't know why. It's like the only way for me to feel alive is to have something to feel bad and/or anxious about. Maybe it runs in my family. I heard that my grandfather and father were that way.