How does one move forward when those who have left you or faded out from you have seemed to move so far forward? How do they do it? How do you move forward when those who have hurt you seem to be so happy,or at least act it? When everyone has moved forward,what is wrong with you,that you feel so behind? All I can say is the answer to it is to move forward,some how..go anywhere. Find something to dive into. Maybe what I really want is to fall in love again,a love so deep,it makes me believe in love again. A love that saves me and heals me again. A love that makes me understand again. I have been constantly thinking about running away lately. Doing something crazy. But,at least i'm finally moving forward I think. Making moves. And,this will be my year. I won't say these past months is the deepest pain,but it's a very triggering pain that makes me want to transform it into something amazing unlike anything before for my life.

I just don't understand what's wrong with me that it seems everyone moves so far forward,and I somehow seem so left behind. I consider myself someone with a lot of positive attributes,and a lot going for me. I'm so particular,and others seem to care less. But,maybe that is the key. To just do it. Do anything.Sometimes all we can do is just trust a little. Trust it'll all work out. That'll be ok. That you can trust this person with that. That your not so bad as you think. What else can you do? But,let go and little...and take a step. The way forward is the way to healing.

I just needed to vent. I feel so entirely insecure.