My general thought about the problem:

1. She doesn't seem to want to have a life of her own outside her work and her family. Ever since I stopped talking to her a lot, she started talking with her sister really a lot. They would spend a considerable share of time discussing and speculating about me and about my cousin (my mother's sister's daughter) and her child.

2. She would like to be involved much more in my life, but her way of being more involved makes us fight.

3. I feel bad for not being able to have a better relationship with her.

4. Staying at her place for more than a couple of days makes me incredibly nervous and anxious.

My solution for the problem:

Keep doing what I am doing: talk to her once in a while but keep my boundaries, send her postcards and birthday presents.

Maybe there is no better solution