It is amazing how it is one thing to know that rationally it is fairly typical to have little kid feelings of longing to be held and comforted... And quite another to express those (and nearly die of shame).

I get that so much. That is how come I email him stuff. Stuff that I could never say in person because I'd die of shame in expressing them and couldn't bring myself to discuss the feelings with him. Of course I wouldn't really die of shame... But then I might... Jeepers feelings can be so hard.

What you said took a lot of guts. More guts than I have. I email precisely because... It is a way of telling him that is semi kinda sorta safe because he probably won't email me back (though I guess he does now because he has finally managed to fix his router). I nearly died of shame when I read his email... I don't know how I'll go when he mentions it on Friday... I think you are right that words aren't what is needed...

I wonder if he will get sick of sitting with me through the shame. My shame isn't nice. Sitting with me through it... Kinda means that he needs to feel some of his own shame. That has gotta be draining and unpleasant.

Lots of courage. I'm glad that he responded well.

If my t offered me a hug... I guess that would be kinda awkward. I guess... I'd kinda dissociate. I'm good at giving nice comforting hugs when I'm in a dissociated place. Giving them... So I don't have to deal with receiving them, if that makes any sense.

I told him (by email) that I was kinda scared about jumping him. Lol. I don't believe me sometimes. I know I'll die of shame if he mentions any of the other stuff I've said... But if he mentions that... I'm pretty sure that I really will. I really really will. I think the thing to be done... Is to give him a look like 'I have no earthly idea what you are talking about' if he mentions my emails. I guess... I shouldn't push so hard with disclosing things I can't face. Hmm....