In my DBT. Group our leader constantly reminded us about the oxygen masks on the airplanes....they tell us to put it on ourselves FIRST or we will be incapable of helping anyone else. That applies to our everyday lives also....there is NOTHING SELFISH about taking care of our own needs first before we give ourselves to others. It's sometimes a challenge to organize out time for both but it's necessary....while there are certain times when we do have to only give in some circumstances like when my mom was dying of cancer but that time is NOT forever.