cloudy and rainy today. it doesn't seem to be affecting my mood too harshly. bit warmer at least. however, i'm still pretty down.

i've decided i'm going to try being substance-free for as long as i possibly can, and attempt to make my own happiness. here's the tally so far: 2 days without tramadol, 12 hrs. without weed, 1 week without alcohol.

googled 'tramadol withdrawal' to see about how long i can expect this yucky-ness to last.

i already find myself overeating in a (subconscious?) attempt to fill the 'hole'. i need to put that to rest as well. i want to lose massive weight before spring. i plan to be out and about this year, not moping in my house. i refuse to waste another summer.

only problem is, i don't have anything yet to 'replace' the things i'm giving up. i have no happiness yet to make, no hobbies, no friends, only mindless distraction. so i'm going to be dealing with this 'hole' and it's going to hurt pretty bad for a while, because right now i simply have nothing 'wholesome' to feed it.