I recently found out that my narcissistic ex boyfriend got engaged to a girl that lives in Florida (he currently lives in the UK) and I'm still really struggling to get over it (most people on here will have seen my previous posts and know how much I've gone about it - sorry!) I just can't help but wonder that maybe he wasn't a narcissist and it's all me and he's found someone better....that maybe I'm not marriage material and that I'll end up alone.

I have never been lucky in love and my friends say to me 'I just don't understand why you are single, you're very pretty, slim, good job, nice car, etc etc' but that just makes me feel worse. I feel like there must be something really wrong with me. Ever since I was small I wanted to grow up and get married and have a family, I never once thought about the prospect of ending not only without children, but to never be married either and end up alone. I'm 32 (nearly 33) snd it just feels that as the years go by its gets less and less likely.

I try and talk to my mum about it, but she doesn't truly understand, she tries, but she just says that I have to stop making it a priority and it's more likely to happen that way, but it's hard to stop wanting something that inside you want so much. I know it doesn't resonate with many (mostly because they have been married, are married or have children) but the thought of never knowing what it's like to carry my child for 9 months, experience birth and the overwhelming sense of love that nothing compares to, never knowing what it's like to be truly loved by someone so much that they intend to spend their life with you and trying on that dress that makes you feel like a million dollars, that special day etc, breaks my heart to think I won't have any of those milestone occasions.

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