Hi,

I'm Avalen, I'm male and I love women. Then again, my greatest fantasy involves having sex with a woman and a man at the same time. I've also got tons of really "out there" fetishes and attractions. I've already accepted that I'm bi- or pansexual myself. Yet I've never "come out" to anyone in my life. I could come out, that's not what I'm worried in itself, since about everyone around me is pretty cool about that, but I just don't want to deal all of it. I don't want it to change how they talk to me or how they think about me. As of now, I've never had sex either. I've masturbated in extremely creative ways, with toys or no, but never anything with another person. I've also got loads of thoughts and fantasies about being a woman and having heterosexual sex while being the woman.

While I'm rather young(in my very early twenties), I've never been in anything even closely resembling a romantic relationship. I've had such massive troubles through my life that romantic issues have always seemed secondary, yet now that the other troubles aren't such a problem, I just don't give a damn anymore. Maybe if I run across someone I really get interested in, sure, I guess I could go after them, but that sure as heck hasn't happened yet. At the same time I wonder, who would be the person willing to take all of this on? All of my sexual-, never even mind my colossal emotional baggage? Am I "damaged goods" even before I enter a relationship?

That's just a skim of it all, but I don't know how to think about the whole of it. I'd like any and all insight to how to think of it all. Any support or encouraging words are also appreciated. Also, thank you to anyone who actually bothered to read through all of that.