Oh, boy! My uni therapist makes me wonder sometimes. I have several examples.

There are those little signs, like asking me if I'm eating, and what I'm eating, because she knows I struggle with vitamin deficiencies and that I often skip meals because I don't feel like eating anything. She also worries about my unhealthy sleep cycle.

She's always saying how worried she is about me, at one point even going so far as to say that she would like to follow me around all day with her arms around me so she could keep me safe. Several times she will tell me that she doesn't want to let me leave her office after a session because she's worried.

She has said, more than once, that she would be so proud of me if she was my mother. She also often draws comparisons between me and her own children, like saying she just wants her children to be happy regardless of the hopes she has for them, and that the same thing applies to me.

In today's session she said that she's never once felt annoyed at me or been cross with me. I told her I didn't think she'd actually tell me if she had felt annoyed in the past, and she said that she definitely would have, but that she just never has with me. Then she said something like, "But you know, I've been cross with my own daughter many times, so what does that tell you?" to which I laughed and responded, "Well, that's different. My parents are cross with me all the time." She then said, "I don't think they see what I see." She claims she feels frustrated with me sometimes, because she can't get through to me and make me see how precious I am, but she says she's never annoyed and that she would tell me if she was.

Then there are the more striking examples, like that time she told me she wanted me to sit in her lap and be her girl. Or that time she was so overwhelmed with pride because of this very small thing I did that she got really emotional about it and had to fight back tears.

She is always showering me with kindness and compassion and saying really nice things to me, and she calls me "sweetheart" and says she's so glad she gets to work with me and that she wants to keep doing that for a very long time. I feel very undeserving of such treatment, which she knows, and one time she stopped abruptly and said, "I'm sorry, I know I'm OTT!" When I asked her who had told her that, she seemed amused and replied, "Well, my children."

At some point she started saying that she really wanted to hug me, and when we finally did, which was just a few weeks ago, I heard her say "I love you" really softly when her arms were wrapped around me. Everything felt very real for a second just then.

But is it countertransference, or is it just love?