Well....all I can say is that ending abstinence won't make the problem go away. The problem will still be there...and that you can't do anything about it right now. And unfortunately its pretty much out of your hands and all you can do is hope for the best and be prepared to accept any outcome. I don't know if you do, but if you believe that everything happens for a reason, then if this door closes, a window will open. Who knows what the next days or weeks will hold....but maybe whatever will happen will lead to better things.

You reminded me so much of my boyfriend when you said that the higher you climb, the worse it gets. Thats what he struggles with too. Just like in Spiderman, "with great power comes great responsibility" lol.

Just know you'll get through whatever happens and you'll come out on the other side, and then you'll have experience to help someone else down the road. (I need to listen to my own words right now....oh how I know this is easier said than done.)